One by one they crept into my own private cottage in the woods and started to take over my life. The first to arrive was Itchy. I developed this itch on my right calf that was so irritating, I wanted to scratch the skin right off my body.
Then B*tchy came to my door. No longer was my PMS contained to one or two days a month--it felt like constant PMS.
Then I would swing from B*tchy to Weepy for God's sake, what was wrong with me? Ding-dong......It's the middle of the night and Sweaty has crawled into bed with me.
Oh, yes, Sweaty brought embarrassing hot flashes and introduced me to night sweats where it seemed as if a faucet had been attached between my breasts.
Of course Sweaty brought about Sleepy because I was tired all the time. I would wake up so many times in the night and not be able to get back to sleep.
Bloated crept in slowly, my once-svelte figure got thick through the middle section, even though I was following my weight-loss program that had worked so well for so many years!
I can't quite remember when Forgetful arrived, but one day my brain stopped working. I considered myself a pretty focused woman until Forgetful came and I could not keep a coherent thought in my brain. Am I getting Alzheimer's? I wondered.
Last, All-Dried-Up slowly encroached upon my happy marriage. This was probably the most unpleasant of the dwarf family. Sex was no longer on the top of my list...or on my list at all.
My husband would give me that knowing look, and I would think, "Frankly, I'd rather have a smoothie."
(THAT'S "CAN'T REMEMBER SHIT!!!!")